I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
