Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize