I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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