i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
