And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
