we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
