Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
