there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
