you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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