On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
