My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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