oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
