im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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