My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
