8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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