Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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