Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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