i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You can't special order awesome
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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