Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
