Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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