i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
