If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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