I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
