My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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