It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
