I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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