question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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