I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize