There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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