I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
