yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
