I swear she didn't look like that last week.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Randomize