I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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