trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
