i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
