Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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