WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
