well I can't set my house on fire every night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
