WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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