your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
