Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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