We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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