Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
