Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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