So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
