its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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