so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
