My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
