I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
