we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
