I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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