So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
