I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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