Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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