508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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