I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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