Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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