I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
