i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
