they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
