Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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