He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
