So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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