You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
