I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize