bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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