I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
