When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
