So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
