He passed out mid-signature
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
