they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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