Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
