The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Someone signed my nipple.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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