they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
