Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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