I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
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