i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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