the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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