we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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