this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
try to milk me bitch
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