did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
