I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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