I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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