I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
