i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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