I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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