Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
