i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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