are you still at the devil's house?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
