I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
