On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
