I think my vagina is haunted
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
