why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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