my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
