Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
