see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
