Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
