last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
