Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
