What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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