unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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