is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
