You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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