It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
