It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
