I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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